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The Selling of Asian Guys

Here’s an image of the Asian American male for you. Gone are the black horn rims and the bowl haircut — all the standard issue stuff that has defied fashion and defined our stereotype for years. Instead, there are longish sideburns, and what looks to be a buzz-cut in its post-buzz, slightly overgrown stage. The frameless eyes are the same narrow almond-shape we know and love. Same as they ever were, but far from the slant or slit-like simplifications of the past. This is real, not caricature. It’s a photograph in an ad, after all. They had to have a model for our new “model minority” look.

Someone really had to look like this. BM—before make-up.

The guy does have a big head. But it is a full-page ad. There are no lips, and just a slight bridge of the nose. So other possible imperfections of genetics and ethnicity are eliminated. No flat, broad nose, or big/small/skinny/thin lips to get hung up over. There are ears, but nothing that would make one run out and say, “Hey Dumbo!”

How tall is he? Oh, he’s big. Big enough to fill the top part of the ad. But there’s no body. No rippling abs, no torso. The ad concentrates on just the big head, the top part of it with all the brain power. Our best part.

By looks, the guy seems to be Asian American of Chinese descent. Or Japanese descent. Or Korean. Unlikely Filipino or Indian. Maybe Hawaiian. Possibly an immigrant. But there’s Asian in him, darn it, and something about him will ring the bell of recognition in us all. Somewhere in the image of Mr. Half-head there is something we can all relate to. The eyes. The updated hair. It’s the modern Asian American male in full frontal “digital nudity.”

He’s showing off his big laptop from behind its large 14.4” screen. Only his head shows. From the ears up.

Seen it?

It’s the ad for some new Microsoft software. The company, which has been accused of discrimination in recent years, is now selling it’s new Office XP product using a diversity approach. Penance? Or finally just a recognition of the changing demographic of which we are a part?

In any event, their image of an Asian American guy behind a big laptop screen is appearing all over, in newspapers and magazines. And they’re really sexier than an Asian guy in a Macy’s underwear ad. And we thought that was a “sea change.”

But this ad hits us right where we live. Asian guy. Big laptop. Doesn’t it make you want to buy Microsoft? Using Office already? Doesn’t it make you want to UPGRADE?

Media critics may say, “Hey, we’re being used here.” Yes, but frankly, doesn’t it feel good for Asian American guys to be right up there with Cindy Crawford and Brittany Spears for a change? At least for the laptop crowd, we’re IN.

Normally, we wouldn’t get past Central Casting for this ad. They’d direct us to the karate audition, then hire some Caucasian pretty boy to glamorize the nerd and hope it sells software.

It used to be a liability to be the conscientious guys who like to study. We weren’t the hard-core lumberjack/jock types. We weren’t even hard drive guys. We were software.

But this Microsoft ad is a revelation. Now our stereotype is our strength. Advance algebra has paid off. Asian American guys are now the glamorized, sexed up nerd. We’re what Asian women are to TV news. We are the exotic, sexy high tech version. We go the Anchor babe one better. We’re the Asian anchor brain. We can set things up without the manual.

Here’s Microsoft’s copy which reveals the inner soul of our Mr. Half-head: “Because he has new Office XP, today he feels complete.”

So that’s what it was! Any imperfections were just a software error. Trust Microsoft to know us down to our essential code. Just give us the right software and we will run forever. They know exactly what we want. How we think. It says so in the ad.

“Today, he doesn’t have to log on to different e-mail accounts, trying to recall secret passwords he made a bit too secret. He will open Outlook and find messages to jeffreyn, jnee, jeff19422, and even the mysterious jammasterjdawg, all in one place. So many faces for just one simple guy.”

What are we but a simple, humble people, with a need for INTEGRATED E-MAIL!

Forget about integrated schools, housing, workplaces. INTEGRATE MY E-MAIL NOW! COULD MY DEMANDS BE ANY SIMPLER? I HAVE A DREAM!

Is it a wonder Microsoft (and former Harvard classmate Bill Gates — who, remember, dropped out, while I graduated) makes so damn much money?

Apple and Linux types certainly have their issues with Microsoft and their ways of doing business. Monopolies are generally not nice. And their software can be buggy. But with this ad, we must grant them forebearance. They’re not selling software. They’re selling us.

Frankly, Asian guys can use the attention. Ten years ago, some SF State guys put out an Asian Male Calendar because our self-esteem needed a pinup boost. Our beefcake level was low. But we’re beyond that now. We’re not the nerdy, unappealing sort of old. And we don’t even need to know kung fu. We’re a real part of America. We’re commercial. Our image sells. Ka-ching, ka-ching. And don’t let anyone tell you any different.