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On Spermless Fertilization

Score one for Asian guys in Kiss of the Dragon, where karate guy Jet Li is paired with Bridget Fonda, who plays a hooker. He doesn’t have to pay. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but just the thought of Jet Li and Bridget Fonda on the big screen is a nice ego boost for the Asian-guy image in general.

Asian guys, despite the various breakthroughs, still fight age-old stereotypes. But it hurts even more when the realization hits us. Our stereotype is more often than not perpetuated by the Asian woman.

Which brings us to the central question of modern Asian American socio-biology: Why do Asian women seem so willing, so ready to ignore Asian guys? Asian guys don’t even get to the dump stage. Asian women’s attitudes toward Asian guys give new meaning to the term heart-bypass.

That brings to mind the story just out this week that doctors in Australia have discovered a way to fertilize an egg without using a single sperm. Attention sperm union, get the attorneys on this one right away. Get the lab rats to strike. Anything to block it. They’ve got to be kidding. The elimination of sperm? Those precious, tiny, wiggling things, millions in a droplet, that dare swim and flagellate to destiny? Gone?

Oh, the doctors spin the story in a nice way. I mean wouldn’t this just help all those countless numbers of spermless men out there in those spermless marriages. Who are they kidding? This is just another way to say sayonara to the male part of the equation. A sperm by-pass. Apparently, any cell in the body can fertilize an egg. Of course, because of our immeasurable abilities in the martial arts, a cell from, say, a foot would probably be the most used body part. Just think how sexy it would be to say, “My eggs were impregnated by Jet Li’s foot.”

But I’m sure an Asian woman would probably prefer the foot of some Brazilian soccer player.

It’s that Asian guy/Asian woman repulsion surfacing again.

INTERRACIAL COUPLING

Last week another confirmation of this phenomenon came over the transom in yet another study on race sponsored by Harvard, the Kaiser Family Foundation and the Washington Post. This time around it focused on biracial marriage.

First, the good news. The national survey of some 540 adults married to a partner of a different race reflects a general tolerance and acceptance of biracial marriages. It’s a trend that’s here to stay.

The U.S. census revealed last week that half the couples were white-Latino, about 2 million couples. Some 700,000 are white-Asian. About 450,000 are black-white.

The Harvard study showed that black/white couplings reported the most difficulty. And the disapproval rating was highest in white communities, with 46 percent in the survey saying it is better to marry within one’s race.

The Asian specific parts of the survey are interesting because it challenges the sense that interethnic marriage in the Asian community is up. The overwhelming choice is still white.

A corollary study on dating is the most revealing.

It points out that Asian women and black men had a lot in common. Among the surveyed, Asian women and black men were the most likely to have dated members of other groups. Somewhere there’s an Asian woman out there (a non-porn star) who is our counterpart to Wilt Chamberlain.

In fact, women in general were less likely to report any interracial dating at all. They seemed happy with their homeboys.

Asian women, on the other hand, were quicker to jump ship.

Sample Question: “Have you ever dated someone who was African American?”

Asians were most likely to say yes, 18 percent.

“Have you ever dated someone who was white?”

Asians had the most emphatic “yes” answers. 57 percent. Blacks answered yes at a 43 percent rate. Latinos answered yes 44 percent of the time.

“Have you ever dated someone who was” Latino?

Asians answered yes 34 percent, once again higher than blacks (30 percent) and whites (28 percent).

Asians weren’t asked about dating Asians, but that would have been interesting. It could have been in negative numbers.

But here’s the interesting thing with the question “Have you ever dated someone who was Asian?”

The top yes vote is only 14 percent from whites. Blacks said yes 11 percent. Latinos only 9 percent.

With such low yes votes, it puts the number of “No” responses at a higher rate than for any other group. More people said they’ve never dated Asian. Whites, Latinos, even blacks. But not Asian.

Ever dated Asian? Whites said no, 86 percent of the time.

Blacks said no 89 percent of the time.

Latinos said no 91 percent of the time.

Here is our point of solidarity, sisters.

Instead of Asian women and guys fighting each other, we should be asking, why aren’t all those people dating us?

Do we smell like garlic? The no responses in such a diverse society make it seem like our group attractiveness is lower than low.

But consider the unusual circumstance. We have more people saying they’ve never dated Asian, yet the report says Asian women are the most likely to cross-date of any group out there. Who are they dating? Martians?

So there’s still a slight advantage to Asian women. They’re busy. And the guys, well we’re screwed. But not in the nice way.

Maybe we can help each other out. If our numbers are down in the dating category, is it about discrimination, holdovers of the anti-miscegenation days? Or could it be just bad marketing?

Guys, let’s push that Jet Li movie. And let’s start working on “the egg roll as new sexual image.” Why not? It’s the right shape. And with the hot mustard? Are you kidding? But we must work hard. And quickly — (OK, maybe not that quickly) because here comes spermless fertilization.

Emil Guillermo hosts NCM-TV:New California Media seen on PBS stations in San Francisco and Los Angeles. E-mail: emil@amok.com.