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New Priorities in Adoption

Ray Grefe and Carol Lei, with their adopted daughter, Nicole Ellen Lei. Photo by Ethen Lieser

By Ethen Lieser

When Carol Lei brought her adopted 18-month-old daughter, Nicole Ellen Lei, up to the stage during adoption and counseling agency Accept’s public information seminar, the eyes of the people attending the meeting grew English Channel-wide. Their legs bounced when little Nicole made the meeting room into a racetrack. They could do nothing besides smile — but that’s why they came. They came to find out how to have a child of their own like Nicole.

And now, for Chinese Americans, the adoption process is a breeze compared to the hassle and paperwork of yesteryear. On Aug. 1, the China Center of Adoption Affairs in Beijing implemented several significant new policies, which will give first priority to Chinese Americans, including couples and single women wanting to adopt. However, single Chinese American males are excluded from this policy. First priority will also be given to any couple who will accept a child who has special needs or who is disabled. According to Bradford Woo, the San Francisco-coordinator of Accept, the adoption process is slated now for four to six months, instead of 12 to 16 months.

“In the last four or five years, more and more Americans have been adopting from China,” Woo said. “And before, you could usually adopt on a first-come, first-serve basis. When the Chinese saw this and the piled-up applications to adopt, they decided to implement programs that make it easier on themselves. And that program is that they want Chinese babies with Chinese parents. Plus, they think the child will have an easier life when matched with the culture and race.”

In addition, adoption applicants must be at least 30-years-old, can only adopt one child at a time (with the exception of the adoption of twins or siblings living in the same welfare institute), and cannot have more than four children at the time they apply. Even with these stipulations, Americans have been adopting children from China in huge numbers. Last year, over 5,000 Chinese children were brought to the United States, the largest number ever. That number was just 142 in 1989.

One of the 5,000-plus adopted last year is Nicole, who came to the Bay Area nearly nine months ago. In China, she was abandoned with no records of her biological parents. Since then, Nicole has lived with foster parents most of her life. But little Nicole’s life changed forever when Carol Lei and her husband, Ray Grefe, came knocking on her door. “She means everything to us,” Lei said. “Your life changes so much.”

Though the couple is still learning the ins-and-outs of being first-time parents, they couldn’t have a better time doing it. Like any new adoptive parents, there were a few natural questions they juggled before getting Nicole — such as the acceptance factor. Grefe is Caucasian.

“When Nicole is with me, people think it’s my daughter because we’re both Chinese,” Lei said. “But if they look at Ray and her, they will think she’s adopted.”

Said Grefe: “I think there is this acceptance factor when you a see a Caucasian father with a Chinese baby. But in the Bay Area now, I think people are becoming more accepting that she could be my daughter.”

Even though the Grefe-Lei family didn’t have to, they did commit to keeping in contact with Nicole’s foster parents. They will send pictures of Nicole every year on her birthday.

“I can’t imagine what the difference would be if she was my biological child,” Grefe said. “I don’t know how I could love her more, even if she was my own child. Some people are hesitant to adopt because the child would not be your blood or whatever, but she’s just as part of me as my own child would be.”

Even though Chinese Americans have first priority in adopting from China, Grefe still warned future parents to do proper research and have referrals for which adoption agency to use. Often, adoption fees for Chinese children can top $10,000.

“Be selective in the agency that you work with, check references, and check with others who have adopted,” Grefe said. “There are differences in the kind of adoption agencies.”

Reach Ethen Lieser at elieser@asianweek.com.