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The Unbeliever

Does your mom constantly force you to perform religious rituals with her? Well, my mom does. My mom believes in Buddhism, and she seems to force the rest of the family to believe in it also.

I, myself, do not believe in anything. I used to, but not anymore. When I used to go to those Buddhist temples with my mom, we would have to do these special rituals and mumble what I think are nonsense sayings to the gods above. And during the praying session, I always prayed for good luck during school exams and hoped that I would become very prosperous. That’s all. I wasn’t asking for that much, and my requests were quite simple. But none of the things I asked for happened. In fact, it went the opposite direction. I flunked every exam I took, and I am still tremendously broke.

So now I don’t believe in anything except myself. If I want to achieve a goal, I have to work hard and earn it — not pray to Buddha and automatically get rich. Money will not pour out of the sky. So, when someone asks me what’s my religious preference, I usually won’t answer.

On one occasion, my mom dragged the whole family with her to visit the temple. When we got there, there were already lots of people on their knees facing the Buddha statuette. They were dressed formally, and I only had on a T-shirt and some shorts. We had to stand in rows and bow down. When the ceremony started, everyone got a red booklet and had to follow the chants in it. When everyone began to chant, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was one of the silliest moment I’ve ever encountered. While everyone was in his or her most solemn manner, I was in the back row holding in my giggles. I tried to cover my mouth and hold in my laugh, but holding it in made me bob up and down. One of the nuns saw me laughing and came up to me. She told me to step outside the temple and laugh all I want because they were in the middle of some kind of serious sacrament. She warned me that I must not laugh or else I might piss off the gods and something bad will happen. So I stepped outside for a moment and decided to wait till the chanting was done.

After the long hours of chanting, praying and burning offerings to the gods, there’s usually a free lunch provided at the temple. When we went to line up for our free meal, I asked if I could have more of what looked like beef to me. Then my mind suddenly clicked on — I forgot that the nuns and monks are vegetarians. I accidentally asked for more beef, not realizing that it was just some kind of tofu “beef look-alike.” Gee, I wonder what would happen if I played a prank on the nun that kicked me out of the temple by sneaking pieces of ham in her food? That would be evil, but I’d surely enjoy the expression on her face!

When my mom saw that I wasn’t being serious enough during the ritual, I knew I was in for it. I saw the stern look on her face and it was quite scary. I knew I would get into a lot of trouble for not being devoted to Buddha. Since my mom is so damn religious, she probably prayed extra for the family, afraid that I’d ruined all the luck she prayed for. I finished my vegetables and tofu with no flavor, and my mom made me get down on my knees in front of the Buddha statue and plead for forgiveness.

After the ceremony, we went home, and my mom and dad had an argument. My dad felt embarrassed by me because I got booted out of the temple for my unseriousness. He said next time when there are ceremonial rituals like that, my mom shouldn’t bring us with her, that she shouldn’t force us. People should only go if they feel like it, if they want to for themselves. If we don’t believe in those things, it’s hard for us to pay attention and be serious about it.

So next time, when my mom is going to participate in those ceremonies, she won’t be taking me, my sister or my dad with her because she thinks we are a disgrace to her religion, which means I’m off the hook!