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Watermelongate?

It was a gift. Ah, the gift of watermelon.

But not one carved in crystal and sold at Tiffany. I think we’re talking the supermarket, garden variety. That’s okay. It’s edible.

There was only one problem. The chief is African American.

In the history of racism in this country, a watermelon is more than just a watermelon, seedless or not.

To black people, a watermelon can be seen as a symbol of ridicule and derision. Unless its “watermeloness” is perfectly altered — say scooped, balled and served on the side. Even then, that may not be enough. Ever hear the phrase “watermelon-eating grin”? It conjures up a stereotypical image used by racists for years. Think of it as the black version of the phrase “rice-eating Asian,” a phrase that comes with its own slanted eyes, buck teeth and slurping sounds. It’s not usually said with love.

Or to keep it among fruits, especially if we are to make sure not to mix apples with oranges, it’s like a hazing prank I fell prey to years ago. I was forced to carry a pineapple around campus. I did it. But only because I saw that only a watermelon could be worse.

You just wouldn’t have this problem with cantaloupes. Or Crenshaws. Or honeydews.

But with watermelon the sensitivities are alarmed, as they should be. It is a fruit that communicates too much bad history.

Since we don’t have an Emily Post for race matters, your friend Emil will have to do. I certainly would have mentioned it to the woman involved in this faux pas — one Christine Bui, a Vietnamese translator at the Hall of Justice, who according to our sister paper, the Examiner, brought the watermelons to the chief last month.

I would have told her “honey don’t.”

Bui reportedly said other people told her that it might not be a great idea.

But she did it anyway.

Brazen independence? Or was she set up? The Examiner says the police are undergoing an internal investigation on the matter.

Watermelongate?

And Bui?

“Everybody likes watermelons,” Bui told the Examiner. “I wanted the chief and his men to have a watermelon party.”

Watermelon party? Isn’t that on Hallmark’s list of anniversary gifts for the third year of marriage? Right after plastic and pasta?

Sounds suspicious to me.

Or could she be that dense? So innocent and clueless, so much the immigrant?

Or was she used?

I dwell on Bui’s example because we can all expect to see more of these sort of stories again and again in the coming years. This time it’s watermelons. Next time maybe someone like Bui is gifting her Polish friends with Keilbasa. Or sacks of potatoes to the Irish. Or honoring her Jewish friends with a barbecue. Doesn’t anyone shop at Nordstrom’s anymore?

But my crystal watermelon ball predicts a bull market on this sort of thing because the immigrant population has exploded. In the Bay Area alone, the foreign-born in this country grew so fast in the last ten years, the number is up from 19.5 percent to 27.5 percent. That’s twice as fast as the rest of the country.

The U.S. Census figures released this week shows the Bay Area grew by 700,000 new immigrants alone. That’s almost the size of San Francisco. It brings the U.S. foreign-born population to 31 million foreign born, with 2 million of them right here in the Bay Area.

That’s the official count, which includes immigrants old and new, but doesn’t include the broader community of U.S. born children and their off-spring.

Add it all up and in keeping with our food metaphors, an Italian friend of mine would say, “that’s a one-a big-a meatball.” (Make it tofu-ball for me).

And while in California, Mexico dominates with 3.9 million, four of the next five feeder countries are Asian: the Philippines (664,935), China (570,487), Vietnam (418,249), and Korea (268,452).

New people. New community. New communication problems.

Watermelon anyone?

How do you communicate cross-culturally without offense? Mind you, it’s a two way street. It’s presumed that the dominant culture knows nothing of the immigrant. And they don’t. To them a Hmong is a Mien is a Vietnamese is another foreigner. They need to learn a little something about the immigrant. But the immigrant also needs to learn a lot more about his new American context.

In general, immigrants need a better orientation upon arrival. On top of stuff on the constitution, they should know of the hardship of those who came before them, and that they are part of a continuum of Americans.

Hampering most Asians is the fact that their countries of origin are so homogenous. Diversity is a little hard to get used to. America? Racism? Watermelons? Instinctively, they don’t get it.

It’s the reason many conservatives love Asians. They love to play our immigrants as their innocent fools to battle such things as affirmative action. Who would coax a Vietnamese immigrant into giving San Francisco’s first black police chief a watermelon? Hmmm, what kind of people would want to dredge up that bad racist memory?

That was no miscommunication.

Reach Emil Guillermo at emil@amok.com.