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Moving Past My Anger

Four years ago, I was a little girl who always sat in the office with tears in my eyes. I was always fighting, and I had the scars on my face and arms to prove it. The teachers and the office staff were usually annoyed with me and my friends called me a “troublemaker.”

The reason why I always got into trouble was because I got angry very easily. I would start arguing with anyone who was making me mad. Then I wouldn’t be able to stop arguing — and I would start kicking, hitting and doing all kinds of violence. Even my parents were very afraid for me. Then my great-grandmother told me something that changed my life.

Back when I was still “bad,” my friend Samantha told me that some girl had made fun of me with her group of friends. After I heard that, my eyes and face became as red as fire. I got in a really angry mood. I didn’t know what I was going to do to that girl. All I knew was I could not let anyone talk about me like that.

Once again, I sat in the office, looking angry. The teachers asked me what happened and I told them that I wanted to meet the girl who was making fun of me. They sent for the girl and she had to leave class and come down to the office. While the girl was walking down to the office, I was really frustrated. I didn’t know what I was going to say or do to her. I tried to close my eyes and think, but my mind went crazy and my legs and my hands began sweating. I knew that I was very nervous. When I opened my eyes, I saw her standing in front of me.

“Why did you make fun of me behind my back? Why did you talk about me to your friends? I don’t do that to you, so why do you have to do that to me?” I screamed at her.

“What are you talking about? Don’t think that you are so important that I talk about you. And plus, why are you making all this up?” She looked confused and mad.

“Don’t lie. Samantha just told me that you were making fun of me. She is my good friend. She wouldn’t lie to me. Just tell me the reason why you were making fun of me,” I asked in a very nice way, because I wanted her to admit that she was wrong. The teachers just stood there and watched us argue.

“Who? Samantha? She was the one who was making fun of you. You just don’t know. She lied to you and told you I did it.”

The girl didn’t look like she was lying when she said that. I wanted to trust her, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t believe her. Samantha was my good friend. What she said was impossible. I don’t why, but while I was thinking about that, my hand went straight up to her face, and “smack,” I slapped her. She looked at me angrily and turned orange-red. I could see my fingerprints on her right cheek. It took two teachers to hold me back.

“Samantha is not the one who talked about me; you are! She is my good friend, and you are a liar, a big fat liar,” I yelled. I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore, and they started to drip down from my eyes again.

My great-grandmother had seen me crying, not just once, but many times, at night. That night she saw me crying again, and she came into my room and hugged me tight. I told her what happened, and she said that she understood me. She gave me advice.

“Forgiveness is what makes a person beautiful. Ask the girl to forgive you. It’s not that hard. Forgive Samantha. She has already apologized to you. Then all your problems won’t be problems anymore. You can go back to your friend and make another friend. It’s very simple. You can do it. Also, whatever happens, violence cannot help things get better, but can only make them worse.”

She held my hands when she told me exactly what I should do and what I shouldn’t do. She gave me all her energy.

On the next day of school, I wrote a letter to the girl. I could not bring myself to apologize to her face. I felt embarrassed. Then she wrote me a letter back, saying we could be friends. I was really happy. When I saw Samantha, she smiled at me, and I smiled back. We started to talk about stuff again.

My great-grandmother is no longer here with me, but the things she told me will stay in my heart forever and ever. Her advice has been very useful to me so far. My great-grandmother is someone who I will always look up to. She was a person who would always tell me the truth. I will always miss her.

When I have problems now, I don’t get angry like before anymore. I try to hold all my anger inside myself, and when I can’t hold it in anymore, I tell somebody and talk to him or her about my problems. I don’t use violence anymore. I try my best to forgive people, because everyone makes mistakes. I learned my lesson: “Forgiveness is beauty.”