Working for a small research company on Fisherman’s Wharf, I’m the only Asian in the room. But the family-owned business doesn’t lack for Asian employees from prejudice, rather Asians who were cued by the words “Market Research” on Craigslist bailed on the first day — and I’m left.
After all, we don’t want to be stuck in an office where some white issue-saddled manager is yelling at you while you’re squeezed into a cubicle, calling up strangers and listening to the click, and then the dial tone. Not for 9 bucks an hour. Not when you have to take the bus, or in my case, an hour train ride and a bus across town to get to the Wharf.
Who among us would do that?
When the blonde lady sings and goes home, the ominous air of the office settles a bit, and it’s really kind of amusing to call up strangers and read from a broken down, 1980s computer screen, “Hello, my name is Anonymous Asian Man. I’m calling from Research International. What kind of food do you give your cat? Tender Vittles? Whiskas? Science Diet? Purina Cat Chow? Meow Mix? Other? Refuse to answer?”
“Whiskas,” the respondent answers.
Doesn’t sound too promising, but if the respondent indulges you, it’s easy to get truly absorbed.
After a few minutes, you want to know, on a scale of 0-10, with 0 indicating very dissatisfied and 10 indicating very satisfied (I only reiterate the obvious because if we don’t repeat the logic of this scale throughout the 15-minute interview, some of the management might suffer flashbacks from traumatic moments of their lives), just what number does Whiskas rank at?
And when the respondent chews it over and pops out a “6,” it’s always fun to say, “Why do you say that?” as the script prescribes. Imagine the array of answers that come out of that. Typing them in while maintaining the interview is part of the fun.
“My cat always enjoyed Whiskas. It’s not to say she didn’t enjoy Meow Mix, but over the years, I’ve found she really, really has a Whiskas craving … ”
And when people start talking about kitty litter, it can take you so far out of your cubicle that even Anonymous Asian Man might forget the issues fermenting in his head: Do Asian American girls hate Asian-Asian girls?
What’s the Asian take on the death of the Pope and Terri Schiavo, or on Sin City? Is there an Asian take on Hunter S. Thompson’s posthumous book? What’s going on with the International Film Festival? Why does it suck being the only Asian in the room, waiting for the blonde lady to sing and go home?