AsianWeek is proud to debut its weekly advice column, AskQ. Check here every week to see Q’s answers to your life, love, work and family questions — Q’s got you covered.
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Dear Q,
I’m a recruiter, and I go to many career fairs to talk to students. Social networking Web sites such as MySpace and Facebook can help employers get to know prospective employees in an informal light. But these profiles can also be potentially incriminating or contain things they may not want employers to see. Should companies consider social networking profiles when making hiring decisions? Or is this too much of an invasion of privacy?
Right or Wrong Click
Dear RoWC,
I think you can still be a good president if you’ve smoked weed. But you can also decide not to hire someone who has created a YouTube video of how to make hash brownies. Public information is just that; hiring requires you to make the best professional guess as to what’s good for the company, based on what you can reasonably and legally learn about someone. A judicious candidate would take down the bong pictures until people like you called with an offer.
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Dear Q,
My 16-year-old sister has just started dating. She used to be really shy about her body, wearing t-shirts and long sleeves , but now she’s buying form-fitting clothes and showing more skin. I’m worried that this means she might be having sex or thinking about it. She’s the youngest and I’m very protective of her. Sex is taboo in our family, so my parents won’t be saying anything to her (they didn’t say anything to me), which essentially leaves it up to me. I don’t want her to have sex, but if she is, I want her to be sure to use protection. How do I bring up the sex talk without sounding like I’m lecturing her? And do you think it’s my place? Or should I tell my parents to do it?
Let’s Talk About Sex … But How?
Dear Talker,
Telling your parents would be like tattling, and I’m not sure they’d step up. They obviously transferred the “ssshhh-sex” syndrome to you (clothes that fit = slut?), and now she’s overcompensating. Offer to help her choose an outfit or go shopping next time. And say in a nonjudgmental way, “Are you having sex? Because I’m worried and super jealous.” Young people like to talk about sex as much as they love having it. And stop being afraid of your baby sister.
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Dear Q,
I count myself extremely fortunate that my husband and I have a beautiful 17 year-old-daughter in her senior year at high school. She has always been outgoing, active in student leadership roles and is also an accomplished flutist. She has been accepted to a fine university and has so much potential.
Last month, after entering and winning a music contest, she was approached by one of her teachers to participate in a teen beauty pageant. I have mixed emotions: I’m flattered, but I can’t imagine my daughter becoming the stereotypical beauty queen. I want her to be taken seriously. But are my concerns just denying her a future opportunity?
A Protective Mother
Dear APM,
One word: let-your-young-daughter-decide. She already sounds like a stereotype — smart, student leader, flute-playing, university-bound Asian American with a concerned mother — so, ironically, a beauty queen title would be pretty unique. You want her to have all the experiences offered to her, which will only make her stronger and wiser.
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AsianWeek’s AskQ is an advice column to reflect everyday life in Asian Pacific America. It includes readers’ questions and solicited queries. Q is a 30-something urban male who is happily partnered — a manager by profession, a writer by desire.
Send your life questions to AskQ@asianweek.com.