Interracial Dating
December 21, 2007
Dear Q: Two of my best friends are beautiful, smart, successful women who proudly embrace their Asian American heritage. But I’ve noticed that one tends to date mainly black men, while the other dates primarily hapa men. I think they are being slightly hypocritical by not giving their Asian brothers more of a chance. One thinks Asian men are too skinny, while the other thinks they are too straight-laced. I think these are shallow generalizations for two such intelligent women. I’m not saying all Asian women must date Asian men; but I think they should give them a chance at least before rejecting the entire race. How can I change their minds? Or am I the one who is close-minded?
Who’s Got Jungle Fever?
Dear Jungle Fever,
First, hapas are part of the Asian American community. Second, it’s hard to date based on race when what you desire is one hot guy. The whack generalizations don’t sound too severe (almost all my Asian American male friends are skinny). Every preference carries its own political, implicit agenda, so are your friends aware and capable of talking about the implications of these interracial, romantic relationships in the larger context of race and ethnicity? Maybe they are more on-point than you give them credit for.
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8 Responses to “Interracial Dating”
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AskQ,
You’re not much of a columnist if you are afraid to speak your mind. Time to update your understanding of the real Asian America, not the ideal one that exists in your mind. Start giving real answers.
good answer.
are you saying it’s ok not to date your own race?
nobody ever says that. a good gf is hard enough
to find so i guess it’s increases the odds if you go outside.
George:
You’re not much of a “reader,” even if you DO speak your mind, what there is of it, that is.
Hey!, what goes around comes around.
Far as I’m concerned, 20 lashes with Anne Landerses’ wet noodle for you.
Frank Eng
P.S.: Merry Xmas, and a Happier New Year.
I think ture love cannot be defind by two persons’ races. All kinds of poeple can be together if they love each other.I have some interracial couples’ pictures in my blog:sunny-happyforever.blogspot.com
How can you change their minds? Bulk up and become an unpredictable badass…but seriously when has attraction ever been linked with logic or intelligence?
Everyone has their preferences for certain physical (and emotional) traits. Sometimes these traits are more commonly exhibited in certain groups of people rather than others. When I say groups, it could be race or some other type of social grouping like hippies or whatever. It’s human nature really, can’t change it.
Sure these preferences can be influenced by images in media (film, advertisements, etc.) and you could blame media for the lack of attractive, strong Asian males but give people credit. We’re not all brainwashed by media.
What’s most important is that whoever you’re with that you feel comfortable being yourself with that person. If your friends can be themselves and express their appreciation and pride for their culture with their respective hapa or black dates then they’re not being hypocritical.
It’d only be hypocritical if your friend met an Asian who wasn’t skinny and straight laced and flat out rejected him.
But even then I’m sure there are many factors involved in one’s attraction or rejection of another and can hardly be simply due to one lame excuse like he’s too skinny. It all depends on the individual and all the traits which they show (or choose to show).
Alot of Asian women are so whitewashed that it is sickening.
Lets see what happens when their “white knight” dumps their exotic — for a younger geisha twenty years down the road.
The letter writer described the two friends “proudly embrace their Asian American heritage.” I find that hard to believe if they are so quick to reject their own race. They may consider themselves to be proud of their race, but their attitudes make Asian men question their own worth. If they truly were proud to be Asian, they would be more sensitive to Asian men’s feelings.
These days, women’s negative body image is getting a lot of attention. It seems like a lot of attention is given to girls and women who feel bad about their bodies and how the media negatively affects their self-image.
Conversely, it seems to me that nobody is concerned with male body image. What if a letter came from a man who said, “I only like women that fit the typical, blonde, “All American beauty” stereotype. That man would immediately be crucified and given a lecture on how he needs to appreciate all types of female beauty. Yet women often get away with being absolutely shameless about how they allow ethnicity to frame their image of male attractiveness.
The letter writer just wants the friends to give Asian men more of a chance. I absolutely cannot believe how many people feel the need to argue against that.
P.S. I do resent the letter writer’s use of the term “Jungle Fever.”
Q really suck at answering questions. Is this person an advocate for the Asian-American community or a white guy? WTF.