Loving Yourself
February 10, 2008
In honor of Valentine’s Day, we salute those who are looking for love, specifically Asian American men.
Asian American men in this country have historically gotten the short end of the dating stick. In addition to being subjected to the inaccurate but pervasive stereotypes about being small, nerdy and effeminate, they must also face the reality that Asian American women have among the highest out-marriage rates for women of all races and ethnicities.
But now, as David Shaw writes in this issue, a coterie of Asian American Lotharios is attempting to turn the tables for frustrated and angry Asian American men, and provide an antithesis to the emasculated Asian male archetype. In boot camps around the country run by the Asian Playboy, Asian American men can learn the tricks of the seduction trade.
We don’t endorse all of the Asian Playboy’s tactics and philosophies, but we do appreciate and encourage the proactive nature of these trainings, which encourage men to stop the self-pity and get out there on the dating scene. Fighting inaccurate media representations and stereotypes has its place, but there’s nothing better for us than going out there and accentuating our natural assets.
It’s worked for Yul Kwon, who has carefully considered the responsibilities that come with appearing on one of the most popular shows in the country. Kwon has managed to cultivate a reputation as a smart, personable and intelligent Asian American male — and, for anyone who watched him cavort shirtless around Cook Islands, far from being emasculated.
What’s more, we applaud his efforts to tear away self-hatred and ignorance of one’s race: “What I’m trying to teach is to be successful because you’re Asian.” For too long have we internalized the message that we are ugly, that we are less than, that we should be embarrassed of ourselves and our faces, that we can’t be worthy of love. Only when we love ourselves can we spread love.
Finally, we hope that in the future Asian Americans will craft a dating method centered on mutual respect between the sexes — free of outdated stereotypes, misogyny and notions of “the game” — and based on love for our community, cultures and traditions.
Ladies, consider yourselves warned.
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