Mohawk in ‘Hell’s Kitchen’
April 3, 2008
Hell’s Kitchen started its fourth run this week with 15 new contestants, but after seeing the lineup in action, it’s questionable why these people would make for good reality TV, much less pursue a career in the culinary arts. The one promising hopeful for some entertainment value is the 5’2’’ Mohawk-toting, red bespectacled, ultra-tweezed eyebrowed, 24-year-old hotel cook from Las Vegas with one name, Louross. He did win favors as the proxy head chef for the Blue Team when the appointed head failed to get the entrees out on time. Louross seems a competent chef — noticing basic screw-ups in the kitchen like plating without sampling the food — but the fun will be had in listening to this funky elf keep pace. He’s got a bad case of nonsense-itis. In response to the grand prize gig of senior chef at Gordon Ramsay’s forthcoming London West Hollywood restaurant, he said, “That’s triple “L” … that boogie to the beat.” Try decoding that. …The energy and spotlight have dimmed for Greg of Beauty and the Geek. This week’s challenge for the girls was a science fair judged by astronomy and physics professors. Greg’s partner, Randi, demonstrated less the workings of her volcano model than how it looked decked out as a Hawaiian themed paradise (to which I suspect Greg contributed greatly). The boys, on the other hand, were asked to give romantic advice on the air with radio relationship expert Dr. Drew. Greg’s caller asked whether she should wear a thong or panty when having sex for the first time, and his enthusiastic reply was “I think a thong is totally cute!” Seriously, is one considered a geek if one’s genius x-factor hinges on fashion accessorizing? …
There might be a scientific anomaly at work in America’s Next Top Model, and it’s in the third-person-gabbing guise of Dominique. The theory: Verbal sparring sessions with Dominique result in poor photo shoots. This past week’s dispute began over her alarm clock, before shifting gears into Claire calling her a “shady bitch.” A full-out catfight ensued:
“I didn’t do anything to hurt you. Did I break a limb?” Dominique asked.
“I only called you a bitch after you started bitching at me,” Claire replied.
“It doesn’t give you the right to call someone a bitch. Do you call your husband a bitch when you guys get into an argument?”
“Why are you bringing up my home life?”
“Because … that’s obviously how you communicate,” Dominique said.
“At least I have a husband, OK?”
Clearly, Dominique is self-centered and lacks skill in logic, but the fight nevertheless managed to drain Claire’s brilliant streak of challenge wins, landing her for the first time in the bottom two. She’s still in the race, but, as much as we love to hate Dominique, it’s this writer’s scientific opinion that Claire give wide berth to the walking black hole.
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