This week on A Shot at Love II, Tila Tequila met with the families of the remaining four would-be paramours in their respective hometowns. What ensued was an hour-long parade of sexual innuendos, canoodling, outright orgiastic mash-facing, boob-fondling and belt-whipping with, believe it or not, the parental figures themselves. It became such a pornographic allusion that Tila herself seemed put out by the inappropriate behavior displayed by the two Jersey “MILFs” and their euro-trash husbands who suggested a ménage à trois and demanded kisses on the mouth, which degraded to a group make-out session in the hot tub.
One can’t help but think: Where did these people come from? Are they actors? They can’t be real. This can’t be real. News flash — it’s not. This show is centered around a pseudonym, shiny with its cute alliteration and nod to hard liquor and good times, a second-rate fictionalized Bond girl like Pussy Galore or, better yet, Hello Kitty on acid doing a pole dance. Added to that surreal stripper mystique is her Asian otherness. To these parents who have prepared to meet her by visiting a raunchy MySpace page, they are not dealing with a real person but a photo and an idea, and it’s apparent. “She’s so beautiful!” squealed one MILF not quite at Tila as she sat at the dinner table. Another MILF agreed enthusiastically and said, “My husband likes soy sauce and teriyaki so much I tell him that he needs an Asian girlfriend!” If falling in love were only that easy. Pass the bratwurst!
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Tila: A Gunshot to Love
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Michelle “Mochi” Camaya, the eternal runner-up in Step It Up and Dance was heralded as — no surprise — the runner-up for the grand finale. Her solo performance was a serious artistic expression of the woman warrior in her, one that ended with red silk pulled from her chest to indicate a heart lay bare. I just wonder why, in taking ourselves so seriously in competition, we literally translate that into a serious artistic piece of work. Mochi, nicknamed after that delicious sugary rice cake and rolling in on her wheelies, seems fun and sweet and far from this prancing hari-kari samurai type. More mochi, please!
Top Chef’s Dale Talde was ushered in to help cooking mate and finalist Stephanie prepare three dishes by way of butchering an entire pig carcass, but mistakenly left the braised pork belly out all night. Dale redeemed himself with quick thinking, replacing the belly with a chicharrones fruit and prosciutto salad, which received warm compliments from the judges but not enough kudos for Stephanie to win a new car.