Dear Q,
There are two wonderful guys in my life, and I can’t pick! I’m feeling really overwhelmed and guilty flip-flopping between them.
The first guy is my intellectual and mental soul mate. I’ve known him for two years, and I feel safe telling him anything, even though he broke up with me almost a year ago. Now he’s back and ready to commit. He’s calm and contemplative, and I really respect and trust him. The downside is I don’t get along with his family, and our physical chemistry is chummy rather than volcanic.
The second guy is the closest I’ve ever come to love at first sight. We saw, we clicked, and we hurtled toward each other like gigantic magnetic meteors. He’s funny, uninhibited and passionate. His family is wonderful. The downside is we don’t communicate that well, and I keep comparing him to my ex.
I just can’t make up my mind. As soon as I pick one, I start missing the other, and it’s roadblocking all of our lives! Help!
– Torn Between Two Lovers
Dear TBtwn2L,
One of the reasons we have lousy fusion cuisine, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with chocolate and still call Ho Chi Minh City “Saigon” is because of folks like you — make up your mind!
If these guys haven’t already dumped you, be frank and just tell each: One, you’re confused; two, they’re yummy for different reasons; and three, you want to take the time to play the field, date both, and figure out what the heck is going on between you and their families. It sounds like you’re invested (family usually doesn’t figure into an equation unless a relationship is serious), and everyone who is dating understands that people need to have “the conversation about exclusivity” at some point; it’s just that your point is a ways off.
Keep in mind also that the situation and the boyfriends won’t stay static. And I really liked how one guy gets all the husband adjectives, and the other one gets the volcano. Rather than lining up the columns and doing comparisons, which is obviously getting in the way, there will come a time when you must go with what your heart tells you. The heart doesn’t lie, and you only have one of those.
Got a particular life question? Send the details to AskQ@asianweek.com.
If this one too is “for real,” and after we’ve all stopped laughing, and also found Q, per usual, too “cool,” two asides:
First, TBTL seems a “victim” of contemp notions about the orgasmic and the “volcanic,” as ho-hum and explicit in countless and copycat couplings on all screens. I suggest she read D.H. Lawrence, “The Plumed Serpent” in paricular for the contrariwise fictional notion of “passive”? and slow-mo flowerings and blossomings. Maybe her nerd could master the priapic techniques?
The second is that, Q notwithstanding, there are more than a few exceptions to the rule of choosing one. Serially, at least.
Francis of Assisi had it all before recanting and becoming a saint. Ditto the lordly Gautama himself.
Seems TBTL too has eaten her cake, and still has both?
Ah, the drama. The delicious torture of it all.