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Other Fish in The Sea

Dear Q,
I just finished my freshman year in college and have been in my first relationship for eight months. My girlfriend goes to school about three hours away from me, and while I am perfectly happy in my long-distance relationship, my parents strongly object.

They feel I should explore the other “fish in the sea” at my school and experience what it’s like to date girls in close proximity. They think I should keep it casual with my girlfriend so that we can date other people or only have our relationship when we are both at home during school breaks. They also feel that I should not post my relationship status on Facebook, for fear that other girls will no longer be interested in me.

I really love this girl and believe she is my soulmate, yet my parents badly want me to break up with her. How can I make my parents more accepting of our relationship?

—Happy With One Fish

Dear HWOF,
Freshmen year: that puts you at 19 or so. You are demonstrating a nice level of maturity.

Love can have a blinding, all-encompassing quality so your parents’ shenanigans seem petty. Ignore most of their advice, and pray they don’t punish you by taking away your car because they’re paying for the insurance, for example.

You can turn your very new relationship into your conversational advantage: We just started dating. I’m only 19 years old. I want to be safe about it. It’s precisely the same argument they’re using except you’ve decided to focus on one girl instead of several. It also might help to bring the girlfriend around more; it’s harder for them to toss out a real person. And don’t change your Facebook status. Nothing online is really the whole truth.

Playing the field is a lovely privilege animals have. I believe firmly in comparison shopping when it comes to lovers and spouses. I know a million corny types believe in finding the ONE, but we all change in emotional, physical and intellectual ways, and our hearts and needs follow. You and your girlfriend should talk about commuting love; parental disapproval; how 36 hours of seeing each other per week might not constitute a relationship in the early stages; and what will happen during summer break. Talking about how you feel and your doubts transmit vulnerability and intimacy in important ways. Just share with her constantly, and it will drown out your parents’ white noise.

Send your questions to askq@asianweek.com.

Comments

I think college is a time for experimenting. Ignore the parents, date your girlfriend but others too. If you end up marrying your GF, at least you won’t regret not having played the field and honing your skills. Good luck.

–Ryan on Jul 20, 2008
Q scores another great answer for one fish, two fish, from yellow fish to blue fish.

The writer should tell his parents that playing the field and dating locally distracts him from his school work. Having a steady GF who is 3 hours away keeps him stable, non obsesed, and not distracted, so that he can focus on schoolwork and scoring a well paying job upon graduation. The high cost of fuel will keep him away from her for many weeks at a time. Also.. everbody knows that on facebook… women are more attracted to men in relationships than to single men. Men in relationships show that they are field tested and battle ready and have the ability to commit. The writer is much more desirable being in a LTR than being single!

–Mondoo P on Jul 23, 2008

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