The Lost Art of RSVPs

July 21, 2008

Here are a few guidelines regarding a guest’s responsibility to respond to invitations:

Personal invitations: Historically, guests knew they were to always respond to an invitation within a week of receiving it. Now, most invitations contain a respond-by date. Do it!
Invitations to public events: It is not necessary to respond to every public event invitation you receive, especially when it asks you to pay to attend. However, when someone attaches a personal note, it is courteous to respond by return note, email or telephone call, especially when you don’t plan to attend.
Never be a no-show. If at any point - especially at the last minute - you discover you are unable to attend, call and leave a voicemail; do not email. Not everyone accesses email when busy with an event. You might also call again the next day to again express your regret for not attending. In some cases, it is appropriate to also send a handwritten note.
Never attend an event unannounced. Let’s say you forgot to respond (or you were holding out for a better offer that never came). As soon as you know you definitely want to attend, contact the host and say, “Please forgive me for not responding by the due date. At the time I wasn’t sure I could attend. Now I know I can. Is there space still available?” By calling, this avoids wasting your time, going to the event, being turned away and worst of all causing an embarrassing situation with appearing to be a party crasher.
Never bring uninvited guests. When I was growing up in San Francisco’s Chinatown, it was acceptable for parents to bring their children or other uninvited guests to parties. No longer is this true. Guests must be sensitive to how an invitation is written. If it only states Mr. and Mrs. without showing “and family,” or any other person’s name, it is not acceptable for you to bring anyone. Additionally, it is not appropriate for the guest to ask the host for special treatment in allowing another guest to attend. We must accept the host’s plans and be mindful of the high costs of throwing parties.
Pay up when it’s due. Especially when withdrawing at the last minute, don’t think you’ve escaped having to pay the event fee. When calling, do let the organizers know you want to honor your commitment: “I know I was to pay my $25 at the door. Would you please call me back to let me know if you still need my remittance?”

There are three positive outcomes to this: 1) They will not call you back; 2) They will tell you it is not necessary to pay; and/or 3) They will call you back praising your integrity in honoring your commitment.

Happy Practicing!

Next month: continued tips on host duties.

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Syndi Seid is a professional trainer, speaker and founder of Advanced Etiquette. See AdvancedEtiquette.com for more information.

The Lost Art of RSVPs

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