Good-Bye, Sheena

Print Friendly

Sheena! You and I had our differences, but you know I love you, girl. So sad to watch you leave America’s Next Top Model.

The cards were stacked against her from the start, when the girls had to pose in the windows of prostitution houses. Sheena toned down her usual hoochieness, but she overshot and was criticized for being too feminine.

Things reverted to normal on the photo shoot, when Sheena did vertical splits and even straddled a beam. A worn-out Mr. Jay commented that Sheena “always finds the most lewd pose to do.”

It was unsurprising, after these two performances, that Sheena was sent home. Her sendoff was dry-eyed and genuine: “Oh Tyra, this was so awesome. So good to meet you and all that.”

We’ll miss your feistiness, even if it was heavy on the sound and fury. It’s true what you said, “There’s never gonna be another Sheena,” and we thank you for it.

On The Pick-Up Artist 2, lovable Brian earned major support from this viewer. When asked to describe his physical history with women, his answer was, “I grabbed her boob and ran away.” He “looked up on a blog” how to make out, and he described how he practiced kissing on a folded stack of ham (“too salty”). This guy is nothing short of magic.

But don’t think anyone’s forgotten this column’s resident nerd, Survivor: Gabon’s Ken. He successfully convinced Sugar that devious Ace had to be eliminated, demonstrating his ability to think strategically and act persuasively. Unfortunately, his only allies are the girl who’s admitted she has no idea how to play the game and is the weakest Olympic athlete ever.

Also unfortunate: my uncontrollable wincing at the sight of Ken’s emaciated, bug-ravaged torso. Keep the joystick shirt on, dude.

Although she was “leading lady,” Lina isn’t winning anyone over on Scream Queens. While stunt fighting she bragged, “I’m Asian — we all know kung fu and we all know kah-rah-tay.” Ugh. Way to make us proud.

More heads were left hanging when Lina felt the need to translate for Tanedra, the contestant whom Lina explains is “the token black girl.” A night out on the town left Tanedra describing herself as “faded,” prompting Lina to feel she had to jump in and clarify, “That’s Ebonics for ‘drunk.’” Seriously, you can stop talking any time now.

On The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Lisa reluctantly — then joyfully — tried out the stripper pole at a party. Great, but call me when you’re getting organic Louis Vuitton botox/pedicures for your Shih Tzus. Yawn.

I tried to watch an episode of Real Chance of Love, the spin-off of I Love New York that was a spin-off of Flavor of Love that was a spin-off of Strange Love that was a spin-off of The Surreal Life. But this show is unwatchable. Cali (Christine Ly) and KO (Roxanne Gallegos) are on it and Asian, but I just can’t go there.

About the Author