Dear Q,
My boyfriend is fat: He has fat fingers, fat calves, fat shoulders and a fat face. We’ve been together eight years, and while I didn’t expect him to stay as handsome as when I met him, he’s let himself go a lot and we’re suffering with this in the bedroom and in other ways. He doesn’t want to go on a diet and the doctor said he’s in good health. But he’s too much for me. What can I say to get him to stop getting even fatter?
– Dating an Overeater
Dear DAO,
We want to be forgiving when evaluating people purely on a physical level, but let’s face it: Even Asians in America are fat. And it’s no great mystery why: Asian fusion cuisine is laden with fat and cooked in saturated oils, not to mention that white rice puts more fat on the body than brown.
Develop a sensible way to eat with your fat boyfriend. Don’t pluck the pork out of his chopsticks mid-flight, but make it a shared sacrifice: You are going to both eat less and healthier. Join a food-bank farm and eat God’s incredible produce.
Don’t get obsessed about the FB’s charts and measurements; if he wants a Snickers, just let him have it. The great thing about going through a process to get the body you want is that your body will change what it wants to eat. I drink more water when I exercise because I get really thirsty, for example, which is key to part two: The FB has to exercise. Not only for the obvious reasons, but he will be happier and want to stay height and weight proportionate. Key word: endorphins.
Also, my masseur-friend told me that fat people book appointments with him because no one else will touch them. You have to touch the FB. Give him a foot massage, caress him all over, take sweet baths together and show him that his body is one you feel is worth caring about.
But equally important, you have to say flat out: “Honey, when we first started going out I thought you were Chow Young Fat, but now you’re just …” Or tell him that you want to be with a guy you think is hot and trying to be sexy for you. The college try gets points here.
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Ah, Q:
You have finally MISSED the point.
Here, at least.
DAO at least started off on the wrong foot, but you, who should know better, connives with all that jazz that our common wisdoms emit, like flatulence.
First off, the basic bodily types, genetic and nurturance, are a given, even if the short/squat get the end of the “cultural” stick here.
Point is that the “overeater” is “healthy,” at least, accordibg to his doc.
The more telling and important point is that this guy is likely overating precisely because he doubts his “date” truly “loves” him for himself.
And he is dead right here. She’s too shallow and too self-absorbed in the images and insights of a “culture” that is, at best, show and tell, and, at worst, less than deserving.
If she truly cares, which I doubt, and if she is “getting” the “service” she craves, then she should begin to shed the idiocies of the common wisdom and embark on the purely subjective and purely personal quest of “true love” and that elusive “bluebird” of “happiness.”
When she begins that odyssey, overeater will likely begin to belay the calories a bit, and start to consider himself “lovable” IN himself.
And an actual “marriage” would be in the first stages of the making and bzking. The icing comes later.
Frank
Genetics aside, anyone too fat can always lose weight with a little effort. If a girlfriend wanted me to try to look a certain way for her to feel more attracted to me, I would and it wouldn’t make me feel less manly. It’s so stupid that we’re supposed to love people for who they are as is, what about the qualities that people can change? i’m thinking of smokers or unmessy spouses. even if it takes a trainer, this guy should get on the treadmill and love himself and let his girlfriend love him more. she’s obviously putting up with his BS for 2 long. i dis agree with frank e here who says that fat is all genetic. that doesn’t explain big loser or any other person you see losing weight.
AWW remeber for the peolpe out there it doesn’t matter what they look like or how big they are it’s whats on the inside that counts and i think that any girl that really loves a man should get there hineys out there in that world and find him cause his waitin’ on you!!! And i would like to just say that i love alot of boys: Nick .p. Justin .o. Jackson .b. (kiNDA) Anthony Harding and Kris keefer austen(both) and jake and lotz of more bi0s but i love every boy on the world and just to let you know that i also love the ugliest guys to so if you wanna become my friend or want ever the i have a myspace and jus talk to me cause i’m not mean unless you get on my nevers well my e-mail is KLDean@gmail.com