Analysis by Andrew Lam, Editor at New America Media
Three Chinese-American students at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech) have killed themselves in the last three months. Two died by helium asphyxiation and the cause of death of the third student, though deemed a suicide, is yet to be determined. Their stories have been covered in the Chinese language media, but remain virtually unreported in the mainstream.
These suicides are anything but isolated incidents. Popular opinion may project Asians and Asian Americans as super achievers, scoring high on the SAT, dominating prestigious colleges and working as high-paid professionals, but the dark side of that narrative is that they are much more likely than the average American to commit suicide, according to a recent report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
At Cornell University, for instance, 13 of the 21 student suicide victims between 1996 and 2006 were Asians or Asian Americans. That picture is not complete unless you consider that Asians make up of only 14 percent of the total Cornell student body. Cornell is so concerned that in 2002 it formed a special Asian and Asian American Campus Climate Task Force to look into the reason behind the high number of suicides.
Stanley Sue, a professor of psychology and Asian-American studies at the University of California at Davis who has studied suicide rates among Asian Americans, believes part of the problem is that Asian Americans are not likely to talk about their psychological problems.
“Community practitioners notice that Asian Americans are less likely to self-disclose their personal problems,” Sue told Time magazine article in 2008.
Asian Americans are also less likely than other groups to rely on mental health services, according to studies, and they prefer instead to rely on culturally acceptable traditions of discipline and family order.
For years, while reporting from East Asia, I often read stories of students throwing themselves on train tracks or out the windows, when they failed an important exam. From Hong Kong to Tokyo to Taipei to Hanoi, these young people cracked under pressure and, robbed of what they know best, many are often confronted with dreaded feelings of loss and despair.
At UC Berkeley, more than half of the members of the Vietnamese Student Association I belonged to in the mid-1980s majored in computer science or electrical engineering. A few told me they didn’t want to become engineers. These fields were highly competitive and difficult.
One friend literally went mad and had to be hospitalized because he broke under the pressure of failing grades. Another was an “anchor kid,” someone whose family sold practically everything they owned to buy him a passage on an escaping boat out of communist Vietnam. He barely had time to think. Alone in the United States, he faced the burden of having to support his family back home while going to school full time. If he didn’t succeed, it could very well mean death for the family that relied on his income to survive back in impoverished Vietnam. Failure was not an option. Back home in Vietnam, an army of hungry, ambitious and capable young men and women were dying to take his place, and for him, a boat person who barely survived his perilous journey across the South China Sea, “dying to” was no mere idiomatic expression.
I remember, too, an incident during my freshman year at Berkeley when a studious Chinese student living in my dorm tried to jump from the Campanile, the tallest structure on campus. He wanted to kill himself because, according to the gossip, he had never gotten a B before, untilvector calculus or some such difficult class overwhelmed him. It took hours before he was talked down. After that incident, authorities put up metal bars to stop future jumpers.
More telling is this mindset: Another friend, when he first moved to the dorm, painted a picture that harked back to a distant Asian past, and hung it above his desk. In it, a young Mandarin in silk brocade and hat, flanked by soldiers carrying banners, rides an ornate palanquin as peasants stand and watch.
We had just met, and when he saw me looking at his painting, he said, “Do trang nguyen ve lang” – Vietnamese for “Mandarin returns home after passing the imperial exam.” His was a visual sutra that would help him focus on his studies. But he didn’t need to explain. Like many Asian students from Confucian countries – what a family friend often called the “chopstick nations”: Vietnam, Taiwan, Singapore, Korea, Japan and, of course, China – I could easily decipher the image. For us scholarship boys, it was the equivalent of Michael Jordan flying in the air like a god doing a slam-dunk – a dream of glorious achievements.
But why is education so deeply ingrained in the Confucian culture?
Long before America existed, something of the American dream already had taken root in East Asia through the scholarship and examination system of the Mandarins. Villages and towns pooled their resources and sent their best and brightest to compete in the imperial court, hoping that one of their own would make it to the center of power.
Mandarins of various ranks were selected by how well they fared on extremely rigorous examinations. The brilliant few who passed ran the day-to-day operations of imperial China and Vietnam. A Mandarin could become a governor, a judge, or even marry into the royal family. A peasant thus could rise high above his station, elevating the status of his entire clan and honor his ancestors in the process. It all hinged on his ability to pass the difficult exams.
Of all the temples in Hanoi, Vietnam’s capital, the most beautiful is arguably the Temple of Literature, dedicated to all the laureates who passed the extremely rigorous imperial exams of centuries past and became mandarins. Their names are etched on stone steles that go back nearly 800 years. Dedicated to Confucius and founded in 1070, it was Vietnam’s first university. It eventually became a temple, as if only befitting a trajectory in a world where education is literally worshiped.
So worshiped that not getting good grades often means failing to achieve your destiny and thereby failing your own and your family’s expectations. Many of us consequently learned to measure the world and ourselves solely through a pedagogic lens. You are how well you do in school. Indeed, many are being caught in the Asian educational pressure cooker and, with little time for anything else, also robbed of much-needed social skills and independent thinking that could give them a different way of looking at themselves.
An old mythology follows many of us across the sea: Only perfection matters and, by logic, its opposite, failure is rooted in shame. In his analects, Confucius recommended this philosophy when it comes to ruling people: “Lead the people with excellence and put them in their place through roles and ritual practices, and in addition to developing a sense of shame, they will order themselves harmoniously.” Even if much of the Confucian ethos have eroded, many old rites and ritual practices long forgotten since communism takeover and modernization began, the one thing that remains in operation is that sense of shame, and how it still profoundly grips the East Asian psyche. To lose face may still cause many an Asian to commit suicide.
Asian Americans have excelled higher education in the last few decades. Less than 5 percent of the country’s population, Asian Americans typically make up 10 to 30 percent of the best colleges. What’s barely explored, sadly, is the darker narrative, that subterraneous stream that runs parallel to this shining path to academic success: stress, disappointment, depression, and, when failing to make the grade, a profound if not deadly identity crisis.

Nice piece. Also read of stories of students at MIT .. who happen to be Asian. Sometimes I believe the “more is better” philosiphy of education reform demanding more homework, more parent work, more grad requirements, more math, more science, more reading is just aping the “Asian parent” syndrome. Some Asians more here to get away from that mindset, but some bring it over (not that I ever put pressure on MY kids….)
My sister committed suicide at the age of 30 following a hidden 2 year battle with depression. She was a straight A student. Perfect SAT score. Harvard undergrad early admission. Harvard MBA. 6 figure income. Great career path.
On October 28th, 2004 she gave up. My brother in law found her in the garage. She had locked herself in the car with the engine running and a plastic tube from tailpipe to a crack in the window as what she thought was her only way out. And the only explanation we got out of it was a post it note stuck to the dashboard saying she was sorry.
What was she sorry for?
The culture is broken …and too damn proud to give those around her the opportunity to create a much needed support network when she fell into a depression. The entire notion of saving face and needed to keep certain things quiet for fear of losing face is not helping when it intersects the pressures people face on all levels.
Awareness is a start. Talk about it. Acknowledge that depression is an illness that needs and can be treated and NOT something for people to be ashamed of and hide from their family.
But how can you do this when the culture is broken at this level and does NOT support an environment that would allow for people in trouble to seek help and receive it.
This is only the story you’ve heard of because I’ve shared it with you. Think of how many other statistics are out there. Those aren’t stats. They’re people with families and friends left behind to make sense of how things could have been different.
The culture is broken. So wake the culture up and start doing something about it. For starters, thanks for posting this article AsianWeek. Now what? Any action? Continue the conversation? Or does this go into the archives for a random Google search for someone else’s research paper one day.
Christine Lu
christine@christinelu.com
Thank you Christine for sharing your sister’s story. Why don’t YOU do something about it? Don’t let your sister death be in vain. Share your story with the young, old, and everyone in between. If they don’t listen, make them. We are our own person. We make up the culture, directly or indirectly–and we can change it, if we want. If we stand up for what is right for ourselves, if we have the courage, the empowerment we allow ourselves to have, we can overtake any “face” and any Asian parent’s iron will. I only speak from my own experience and of my own view:
My oldest sister didn’t commit suicide exactly, she foolishly rebelled and took the easy way by doing everything opposite of what our parents wanted. She ended up only hurting herself. I guess my personality was stronger so I did things my way. Whether it please or displeased anyone, I didn’t care. I just knew I had to do what I had to do and the rest would fall into place. Some claim it’s a selfish act. But is it? Because at the end does it matter, except maybe your own conscience? (Read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.) I fight the fight everyday not to be an Asian parent or a helicopter parent to my 3 kids. I let them be and love them for who they are. I feel they will go further and farther with this attitude. An old Asian patient of my husband gave him advice once…raising children is like growing bean sprouts, they grow better with a little pressure. Note the word little as the appropriate adjective for pressure.
Dear Linda
& Christine:
You are both “right” and both admirable.
And your respective “takes” on “Asian” beliefs and practices in re their progeny equally moving and, with courage and luck, superior, both morally and pragmatically.
Force begets counterforce, whether as self-destructive or other-destructive, but ALWAYS destructive.
My only quibble here, Linda, is your reference to Ayn Rand.
Now, she, for sure, believed in “force” and “power” and the symbols thereof?
I think ALL parents should consider the Montesorri method. Kids blossom on their own, like plants and animals. They don’t need “guidance,” only “love.”
Because a parent who truly “loves” his/her child would never jam his/her own needs and fears down the child’s throat.
Some, the strong, fight back successfully and survive. Others succumb to the destructive, one way or another.
Your sis didn’t die in vain, Christine, and you are the living proof.
Bless you both.
Hey, I don’t how and why some people are idiotic and hipocratical.
They should have more faith in themselves than others regardless of what they did wrong and what back ground they came from.
There are alot of 3rd world counrty people who more happier than most wealthy people amazingly.
I you did something wrong can’t yjey just take some time out and just take a little break for themself, and find a solution for a change.?
Instead of committing suicide like an idiot ??
come on be proud of what you do and what you are!!!
Don’t let other people take charge fo your own and influence your daily life.
Hey, anybody who should commit suicide are Asian-women , who has withdrawn and forgotten their own cultural pride , by dating only White-guys.
hey “some tipster”
obviously you don’t buy your own B.S. because you choose to throw words out from behind a safe wall of anonymity.
whatever your personal issues or insecurities are about who you are, how you related to others and who other people do or don’t date are things i hope you’re able to find balance for somewhere down the road.
in the meantime, people who commit suicide are not idiots. those who can’t understand that …are.
Thank you Frank for suggesting Montessori. Do you have first hand experience or know of any? I sent my first two kids to Montessori and the last TBD. My first stopped after kindergarten and my second opted out after pre-k. Perhaps it was the teachers or the program. Who knows? All I know is they didn’t want to continue. What’s next? Waldorf? Friends? Researched those schools too. Currently, they’re two little girls out of 6% Asians in a Norman Rockwell painting look alike town. They say they’re happy and very much looking forward to the start of their new school year. Any parenting advice is much appreciated. Say, there should be a parenting column here.
Sorry, LInda:
No direct knowledge, other than the basic principles of NOT cutting children’s creativity and imagination, early-on fencing-in to traditional modes and models.
On the other hand, I had almost a dozen years of firsthand and even some hands-on observation of children as young as three, to pre’teens at the Lester Horton Dance Theater School back midcentury last.
Horton was an innovator and he treated children as equals, squatted to talk to them, did not patronize their age OR understanding.
My own experience, such as it was or is, leads me to believe that you can’t “fool” children, to begin with. They “know.” Just as you and I “know” in social situations, from body language to what ISN’T said.
Sans bona fides or portfolio, I can only say that children I’ve observed are frequently “wiser” than their elders, and, personally, I find far too much garbage in the conditioning and “guidance: of youngsters.
Which is not to say that the lruly loving parent does not set limits or lay down the law on occasion. But, bottom line, kids “learn” from their elders by “example,” by their actions. “Role models” no less.
And, yes, of course it’s the individual teacher, not the method or the principle. As in every field and every venue, the exceptional is, by definition, rare.
But when a university undergrad, or even doctoral candidate, or successful professional, considers, much less commits, suicide, then it is high time to question the background of the upbringing and nurturing of that individual.
And, of course, the sociocultural milieu of same, the values held and promulgated. And, as you and I and Christine Lu know, most Asian cultures are hip-deep in formal education as the royal road to the ultima thule of “success.”
Aside from how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people way back when, I’ve never heard of a course in “creativity,” much less one in self-fulfillment. Or “happiness.”
P.S.: To the person who posted my failings in recognizing Mainland oppression and human-rights violations of Tibetans and Uighurs, may I say only that the day the American and “western” mainstream media begin to give EQUAL coverage to that of the neoZionist/Palestinian issue, that will be the day I shall focus on the apparent AIPAC stranglehold on this nation’s “policy” in the latter regard. Following which I would join the petitioners to the cadres.
And, by the way, please note the numbers of “Han” casualties in both last year’s Lhasa rriots and this year’s in Xinjiang vis-a-vis the rioters. And I have read no reports of PLA shootings of women and children. And, finally, with the CIA’s record throughout the globe, including Hugo Chavez’s current charges of encirclement and our silence in re the palace guard coup in Honduras, what’s a peacenik to say? Nu? And which nation is it that has invaded other sovereign states? Maybe Russia in is it Ossetia?
And, finally, there are voices in Tel Aviv, like that of Uri Avnery and others, and some right here at home, who feel the way I do. That the most egregious and obvious and outrageous crimes against humanity are taking place right under our own noses with scarce a peep out of our servile and babbling media.
My correspondent should better address his concerns to how said media are even now subverting the interests of the American people in re their putative “healthcare” by peddling nonsense in the face of a reported 83% of the electorate that favors a single-payer, federal-insurance system.
Talk about “human” “rights” !
:
There are f
Folks:
And especially Linda and Christine Lu, should access today’s CounterPunch online piece by Eugenia Tsao on “psychiatry” today and its pernicious ties with Big Pharma and psychotropic drugs.
It’s an eye opener, and one more strike against the “mental illness” as a neurotransmitter disorder industry of cozy interdependendy.
It’s totally “depressing.” Quick, Watson, my glass of red.
We live in this overly competitive culture that says if you get the best grades, get into the best schools, get the best careers, then we’ll be happy. who are we pleasing? our parents? friends? society? to complain or surrender is often a sign of weakness in Asian culture. I’ve had to question my values and motives as to why I need more success , material things, superficial friends. Although I felt pressure to do well, I realized my own family did ‘nt have the knowledge to nurture one another. To look within and get support from a therapist or group can help.
Thank you Frank, again for your unwavering words of wisdom. You never cease to bring out a chuckle in me. You are the very few people I have encountered in my life who really “speaks” and not to “speak” to feel their importance or to “voice”, which is hollow and uncaring, twisted for their benefit. I like it very much when people break bread with each other as kindred spirits, to share, to build on the human spirit. To me it seems most people keep all that from each other, including themselves, sticking, if not striving, to the shallow and the simplest of perfunctory conversations and gains. With all our modern communication systems, our “connection” with each other is as good as a cell phone conversation in the White Mountains during a snowy nor’easter.
I read Asian Week because I became an education activist and was elected to my local school board in an affluent Midwestern suburb (where my children attended Montessori 3-6 and public k-8 school). Our district had lost it’s way while rejecting “traditional” education and embracing left leaning the “social justice” educational philosophies (which rejected academic rigor and “testing” ) as discriminitory) therefore failing our kids and students all across the US. I saw that in our community Asian parents (and their children) were spared these failures in public school because Asians supplemented their children’s education with KUMON, Huntington Learning centers and Singapore math & reading text/workbooks–all very focused on skill building, problem solving and test taking. Montessori education varied greatly depending on the Director and teachers–but also seemed to serve most children well when because it allowed kids freedom within a controlled “self-paced” system with room for creativity. In addition, I learned how understand MyersBriggs type personality and learning style accounts for teacher bias in the classroom pedagogy and performance on the National Merit SAT.
The bottom line is this: academic success while maintaining the integrity of the individual student requires wise educators and well integrated and challenging curriculum, tempered with an understanding that individual personality, intelligence, other talents as well as family and culture ALL combine to result in school and life “success”. I believe government subsidized school choice is preferable to mandated one size fits all public education that is uniformly academically inadequate, especially in the role of “parent or cultural” substitute.
Schools and parents must work to reinforce a shared vision of academic and personal student success–group standards while allowing alternative success for students who are not academically gifted.
This article on Canadian “too many Asians” controversy mentions the suicide problem
http://mymuskoka.blogspot.com/2011/01/too-asian.html
Doesn’t anyone believe in looking at the statistics? American Whites have a much higher suicide rate than American Asians.
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/su6001a11.htm
the book–Yellow on the Outside, Shame on the Inside: Asian Culture Revealed– explains it all. http://ansonchi.webng.com/asianculturerevealed.pdf
I looked at the link, looks like it’s pretty good read
Thanks to John Siebert to the book by Anson Chi and agree with Arthur Hu that it is good read. Like many issues today bringing up children is very complicated and difficult. Even for those of us who care, it is extremely complex and takes a lot of time. Regarding references to Montesorri methods, I believe that the quality of that method varies a great deal depending on the actual teachers. Personally one member of my family benefited a great deal from this school. Dauhter started in Montesorri at 2.5 years old in N. Virginia and when she stared school in N. Carolina was 4 years ahead of her other kindrgartners. Eventually she skipped 2 grades, and did very well in college. We did not push her to be a lawyer or doctor and we aren’t the only Asian parents who did not do so. Nor did we urge her to play a prestigious musical instrument. She did a few years of ballet, but we just thought dance we good for het physical well being.
The recent national Intel science competition attests to the reality that this genre of young people are studying math and science, every young person capable of studying M & S should do so, or they will be left inthedust. For those, like Moi, learn some real hard skills, or your life is going to be really miserable I this Century.
My genration of middle class parents were generally not wise enough to raise our kids for a life requiring more brains and hard work than we had. Boy, was that a big mistake. With globalization this and future generations are going to have to work harder and smarter than ever.
Kudos to those parents who do care and positively encourage their children to study hard, but take some time to smell the roses. I never learned that lesson very well.