Noodles On A Train = Chinese National Outrage

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It’s not Snakes on a Plane but Noodles on a Train that has gone viral in China though it’s been mostly ignored in the US/West


Round 1, Hong Kong subway riders are horrified when some hapless mainland China hillbillies have nerve to give their kids dry noodles to munch on the subway and SOME OF IT SPILLS ON THE FLOOR. Suddenly the terrified kids are surrounded by a trainful of scolding Hong Kong natives who they can barely understand as most of the speak the local dialect. One citizen dutifully hits the emergency button to call in the subway police, and shortly a man comes in with a radio to read the poor tourists the riot act and point out the sign to the mother and her kids, and demand that everybody get off the train and cool off. The newswoman is disgusted that the mainlanders did not even apologize for being such slobs.

Round 2, the mainland Chinese are outraged by how these spoiled colonial brats treated their fellow Chinese. In response, this mainland professor concludes that Hong Kong has gone to the dogs, the Hong Kong people were rude to the kid, they didn’t speak Mandarin like they were supposed to as proper Chinese citizens. Man how do people live crowded like rats in such conditions anyways. Sheesh, it gets nasty.

from business insider

Caption: (with my re-transliteration)

Hong Kong man hits security emergency button:
Mainland woman: Man, just tell us the rules, it’s not a big freakin deal, ok?
Hong Kong woman: Big deal? OK, but even it if was a small thing, it was not a good thing.
Mainland woman: OK, it’s not good. Is that enough? What else do you want with us?
??: Don’t raise a stink, it’s no use arguing with them!
Hong Kong woman: Tell them all to get off the train now!
Hong Kong man: We are not afraid to take the time to take care of this now!
Train police with radio shows up
Hong Kong man to staff: These people are eating NOODLES HERE! They are spilling it all over the place! We told them YOU CANNOT EAT ON THE TRAIN!
Mainland woman to staff: It’s just children who got on the train. The kids don’t know about the rules.
Hong Kong man to staff: But then those people started yelling! This is Hong Kong, not whatever little village they came from!
Little girl: Mother should be at fault, sister, she should have told us the rules.
Hong Kong man to staff: We told them can’t eat here. Then THEY started yelling at us. You should ticket them. Ticket them NOW!
Staff: OK, settle down. Now which of you folks wants to will apologize.
Mainland woman: Uhh… I’m …. sorry (in poor English)
Staff: Oh, don’t say sorry to me, tell these folks you’ve offended!
Hong Kong Man: Ohhhh, speaking English “sorry”, you think you are soooo smart!.
Mainland woman: Pardon, but I don’t understand Cantonese. My people speak a different dialect, and the government taught us mandarin so that we could speak to other Chinese..
Staff to Mainland woman: Are these yours? We’re going to have to ask you to gather these things and get off the train in a moment.
Hong Kong man: Well I don’t have a problem with that.
Staff: Are you all together? (Cantonese)
Mainland woman: I … don’t… understand.
Staff: (in Mandarin) OK now, how many of you are here? You’re going to get off next stop.
Mainland woman: Ok, children, the man says we’ll have to get off.
Kids: look back at mom, scared and disappointed
Another Staff: We don’t allowing eating here. See the sign? Can YOU READ C-H-I-N-E-S-E?????
Mainland woman A: let me explain.
Mainland woman B: please let her explain.
Mainland woman A: We just got on the train. The children are sweet and innocent. They do not know. I stopped her right the way.
Staff: OK get off next stop.
Little girl: Momma it wasn’t my fault!
Mainland woman calming her little girl: It will be alright, it’s not your fault, not your fault.
Hong Kong man: I saw.. the adults were also eating! You too should be punished.
Mainland woman B: I didn’t know.
Mainland woman to mainlanders: Please stop.
Hong Kong man: Get off together, do not need to talk to them, all Mainland people are like this. Get off.
Mainland woman angrily to people in train: Curse you to death after we get off!

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Sounds like an interesting youtube project if all you young aspiring Asian American youtube artists want to re-enact a version Americans can understand.


>>>>> more on my blog

While we’re talking about noodles: How to Do Ramen Right Follow the link for a video on how to do ramen the way my dad (and probably most of your parents if you’re asian and not just a poor white college student) showed me – you add eggs (or canned fish or dried shrimp) and vegetables like spinach or lettuce and leave out most of the sodium packet.

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About the Author

MIT electrical engineering computer science graduate has written conservative columns on politics, race / culture, science and education since the 70s in MIT The Tech and various publications in including New Republic and National Review.